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Aminirus

aminirus.carrd.co
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Leaving Soon

3 min read

I'm sure I'll do one other thing as well to give you guys a place a settle, but this time, it's going to be real. I just can't stand what DA is doing anymore or how much it promotes things I don't approve of. This place used to a safe spot for human artists. To talk with friends, get jobs/commissions, arpgs, and so on, but now, it feels like a slap in the face.


I've been here for well over 15 years. I can't do anything about one of my original accounts as I just no longer have access to the email attached to it, but that's fine. Given also how many abandoned accounts are now being hacked and stolen, it's best for me to just leave entirely. I don't support what is going on here and I never will.


I will give everyone until at least April 15th to follow me elsewhere. I'm limiting my socials currently to just Bluesky, Youtube, Discord, and Patreon.

I will keep my others up for the time being, such as Instagram and Twitter, but know that I'm most likely going to at least remove Instagram. It's done nothing for me and just is a waste of time with how many scam message replies I get over actual likes and replies.


Details:

The Chosen Socials:

- I'm choosing the above socials for the time being as these are most active spots. Bluesky is still mostly artist driven so not many general accounts there yet. Since I'm not looking for work right now (or maybe never again), this space is where I like to check out other artworks and connect with other artists. Same with Discord. - For Discord, I do have my own server I maintain. It's small and cozy, nothing much tends to go on, but I'm always there most days and will help out the best I can. Be sure to send me a note or chat before April 15th and I'll let you guys in if Discord is more comfortable for you in terms of keeping tabs on me.

- Youtube. I've generally always had one, but haven't used it much until lately. I am working on a video series on various, and hopefully fun, methods I use to stay creative. Most are pretty short and timelapses feature the creative method in that particular video. Until I settle into a better schedule, I currently only do 2 videos a month and also aiming for additional videos in the future.

- Patreon. Maybe a no brainer, but this is where I'm currently receiving income...my only income. As of right now, I'm highly fortunate that my partner can cover bills till I can settle into a real life art career of me selling things in person or through Patreon. This is where you where you will find all my YCHs, early access comics and videos, and other fun little things I'm trying to do on a monthly basis.


And that's it.

I'll post a submission later as well in early April to serve as a reminder, but this account will close April 15th. DA is not a healthy space anymore and they are no longer serving their purpose of supporting artists, so I'm leaving. I can't take it anymore and I'm far too old to give any further f***s to these scammers.


Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/aminirus.bsky.social

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCXeRWJeRSzXTPcSC_Yv8JA

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/parallelrift


And Twitter (X)...whatever the bs is going on there: https://twitter.com/Aminirus0

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I know I've asked this many times before throughout the years, but at this time, this is still the platform with my largest audience count, I want to ask you some questions regarding my Patreon.


Before I begin though, know that I am moving 90% of content to Patreon, including commissions, which I simply call Patron Rewards. This will be the only way to gain artwork from me and it works very easily. Whatever tier you sign up to earns you monthly points. You can save up those points for a YCH or commission or spend them as soon as I have a slot available. You are then guaranteed artwork that month, from me, of your choice and style...YCHs are a bit different as the style is generally already chosen. Remember, you do not have to stay and can quit anytime you'd like and if you still have reward points you haven't spent, you can still use them whether you are a current or past patron.


So, the main idea is that I want to grow my Patreon this year. With it being my main source of income at this time (only source as of this post), I would like to ask some questions:


  1. If you were to join my Patreon, what are you expecting from it?

  2. Do you have problems if I miss 1-2 post dates? (I generally update 2x a week)

  3. Is there a particular type of content you look for from artists on Patreon?

  4. Is there something in particular you'd like me to share on Patreon? (such as tips, resources, timelapses, in depth breakdowns...more comics? I honestly don't know)

  5. Is there something you feel I should work on in order to make my Patreon better?


I do plan on updating the main page to my Patreon, everything from the banner to avatar and definitely the description. My priority right now is the content. With over 300+ things on there right now, most of it being Patreon exclusive, I would like to largely know how I can make it better for you guys. As I aim to keep this as my main source of income, I need to improve it as best I can manage.


Any advice and ideas are welcome <3

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With the last 2 months already creeping through, ticking off the days of when my world will shrink to just Patreon, Bluesky, and Discord (to keep in contact with friends and easier updates for my few precious patrons), I think I may need to provide an explanation.


I began with DA just over 17 years ago. The original account I used no longer exists and was quickly followed by the FireLeopard account and this one, originally called TheGallopingStallion. Unoriginal truly, but granted I was only 15 at the time it was entirely fine I feel. The internet was new and an unchecked playground back then. The original account I had was called Heartflyer, chosen after a little logo I used to draw on all my belongings. TheGallopingStallion and a couple other accounts I had I used as groups before they were a thing were what all I had as my existence to the internet before Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and all the socials that bubbled up. Back then, I was seeking something. Approval most likely. It wasn't something I felt I've had, not for a long time at least. It's an aspect of my life that has been neglecting for as far back as I can remember. The question of "who am I" has me furrowing my brows, angry, and frustrated with confusion. Triggering an intense feeling of "loss" as if something precious to me has passed away once more. I acted and reacted, essentially, as I was told and what I observed from society. Believing that if I wanted to "fit in", I should do what they were doing and thus was why I jumped into drawing canines, wolves, dogs, and pokemon. It was popular and I wanted a small piece of that community to notice me, accept me, welcome me, give a snippet of fame. Give me something to talk about, nerd over, and feel like everything else in my life was fine.


It wasn't the situations that have arisen here on DA that triggered all this, it was just, as one might say, "the piece that broke the camel's back' and here I am, pushing everything I worked so hard to build up, aside and flipping it over entirely. I never was popular. I never had a big name job or a crowd around me. I could never afford to travel nor have tables at conventions or was ever clamored over or praised or an online shop filled my merch. I never had hundreds of comments or thousands of likes and favorites and all that jazz. For many years, it frustrated me. Angered me to no end. Was I not good enough? What did these other newer accounts have that I did not? I've been here longer, I've grown, but still can't even reach over 3,000 followers/watchers? A lot less in all other socials. It built up a lot of anger in me. Resentment. Hatred even. I would admire so many artists, put on a happy mask and praised the few little comments I received from time to time, but that's all it is, it's just a mask. I cried a lot this year. I hurt a lot in ways not even my partner sees and well, I know now, it's because I'm finally understanding and I'm growing. No pain, no gain, as the hard truth reveals. It's scary, but in order to be myself and truly let go of this horrid past version of myself, I have to face reality. I have to let these emotions pass through me, let them flow, toss everything out that I once knew from clothes to false friendships, to projects I had planned, and so on.


The starter of this was a book I picked up. It wasn't the official starter. With all the pain I was feeling this year due to the lack of work, only 6-8 clients (most returning ones) and on average 8-9 patrons, I was beyond brokenhearted and in many ways, I still am. It hurts because I do feel I've improved, but when I think on it now, I ask myself..."improved for whom?" It surely wasn't for myself. I wasn't actually drawing or doing the things I wanted to do. I wasn't learning. I wasn't being....me. I've been backed into the corner more than once this year alone, but it wasn't till I walked myself into that same corner, on my own, last month, and opened this book, that I started to actually understand. When was the last time I drew for fun? For real fun, not what I thought was fun or what I observed as others drawing for fun. When was the last time I drew anything with passion? When was the last time I expressed my hurt and pain and sorrow and joy and rage? In truth, since I have all my art, the last time I did so with full honesty was back in 2014 with a piece I never finished where my OC was being hit with an arrow and bleeding out on the rocks in a clearing in the woods...alone, in pain, suffering with no sign of relief. This was the last time I had attempted to express myself and the emotions inside me. Since then, I never attempted it again. Why? A lot of things actually. I had prospects then. College. Potential opportunities. Family circumstances. Wild Howlz was showing promise. For those who remember that, you humble me. I poured everything in that game. My heart, my soul, ALL my finances totaling over $20,000 in 2 years between paying devs, artists, and other expenses....and in the end, it was the first real bit of pain I felt and instead of facing it, I buried it. I was wounded so badly that I doubt anyone who knew me and Wild Howlz back could ever truly realized. Even now, I feel that pain well up, but unlike back then, I can breath and quickly find calm because there is understanding and acceptance. I did not make a mistake. It was a series of unfortunate events created by a scammer. A foul hearted human being preying on the dreams and wishes of the younger me. I fell victim. As often as it goes with many victims, the trauma remains for years, decades, even sometimes the rest of your life. It may not scar everyone who'd gone through such things, but for me, this was about as equivalent as waking up one day and finding my drawing arm had been chopped off.


Yet, my wounds are more than that one incident. More than one monster. The name "Aminirus" has arose from this time too. A character that represented my hopes and dreams at that time. It's a name that doesn't wound me given it dates back to when I was very young and became entranced with elves for the first time. The world of fantasy and "Aminirus" was born. It's a name that reminds me of those more "pure" days and it's a name I plan to keep for as long as I feel absolutely necessary, if not for the rest of my life as an artist.


There was a moment in this year where I had a breakdown so bad, I was left with violent tremors in the middle of the night. My heart racing, gasping for breath as though I was literally drowning. Given my partner was sound asleep, I suffered alone for over two hours, not even my dogs knew what to do and it wasn't till I finally ran out of energy, that I reached out for help. With what little money I had left at the time, I hired a therapist. It was an event that lasted for only 2 months, but were the most progressive months I ever had. I didn't come to realize and begin this journey of self discovery and self healing until I was asked to draw a portrait of myself. I largely completed it, but not entirely as had become the norm for majority of personal works over the years. By the time I ran out of money, I was back in the grip of self sabotage, devastation, anger, and resentment, but during that time, I still journaled on and off...and then, after watching the 5-6th artist video on YT mention the same damn book called The Artist's Way, I caved. I dug out some savings and bought it and while I waited for it's arrival in the mail, I had a couple more breakdowns. There was no more therapist to check in on me and no amount of 'just do this to be better' videos were helping. I hit a lot of lows. And I mean a lot during this past year. I've generally always suffered from depression, but usually found enough joys in my life to not be drowned by it very often. This year though, was on a level I hadn't had since my first downfall in 2015.


So, if you've gotten this far, that is my overall explanation. I need to start over. I need to find me. The real me. The one who didn't seek approval and praise from others. The one who wasn't trying to battle against bigger artists and feeling like the worst person in existence for not having a "real job". In all that time since 2012, no matter how many hundreds upon hundreds of commissions I've done since then, I would not be here without the support of a very precious few people in my life. I've come close, for various reasons, to simply not being here. Everything from "I don't know who I am" to "why can't I get a real job" to "what is wrong with me" and even the "I must be hated by someone if no one is liking the work I do" and so many other negative things that have consumed me in the background for an extremely long time by some very specific monsters. Some of these monsters didn't even though the damage they were causing until more recently. I have never made enough money to support myself and my art would never have been able to give me a home, pets, or this opportunity to not just grieve fully, but to be reborn in a sense. To awaken. To finally realize my monsters and strike them off the list. To finally equip myself to the gear and weapons I needed that NO ONE ever told me I would need. I've been fighting with a wooden sword in a loincloth for decades, but now I've at least upgraded to a proper set of leathers and a steel sword. I'm ready. 4 weeks into the course provided by this book and I've never felt more ready to jump ship and abandon everything.


Even as I say that, it is scary. Frightening prospect to abandon the meager earnings I had earned. The few people who respect my existence and "see" me. I'm scared. I'm terrified out of my mind. I'm shaking with so much fear, that I wonder if I can even go through with it when February arises, but I will. My partner will be right here. I'm lucky enough to not be alone and have their support while I'll be utterly open to the elements with the only income being Patreon.

I am leaving Patreon open because, through this battle I'm waging, the one thing that remains the same is the love for this comic I'm working on. The story is slow but is the first thing to resonate with me so deeply since Wild Howlz. I still want to exhibit my thank you for supporters as well and will provide what I can through that support alone. Does this mean I aim for fame and fortune? Oh hell no, but I also am aware that by abandoning the possibilities of future clients and work, I am freezing what little extra income I had been making. That alone is daunting. But who knows, maybe the things I undertake in the future will be rewarding in their own right and even if I don't bank income from it or ever again or don't grow any further with an audience, you know what, that's okay. This journey is for me and not them. If others want to see what lays within the ashes, that is there is choice, but as the days progress, I am not withdrawing, but finally pushing back those ashes to let the seedlings breath and sprout. I'll be around.


Maybe you'll think of me from time to time or wonder what has happened, that is up to you, but once February is here, this account will remain silent. You will surely need to find other ways to contact me and maybe, once in a few months, I'll leave an update or two.


In total, if you are reading here at the bottom, I thank you. Those here today, you're amazing for having faith in me and watching me go through these phases. If you truly wish to keep in contact with me, drop me a note or a chat, and I will gladly provide you with my Discord. Otherwise, feel free to check things out on Bluesky or join my Patreon for free to receive monthly newsletters.


Thank you for all these years.

May we meet again!

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As the title says this is important. While this won't effect my art because I'll still be doing artwork, do know that things are changing by February 2024.


I'll be clearing out all owed work before this time and will be cancelling any long term work I have right now, with the exception of Eliyo given this is a more relaxed job, and it may be the only outside work I can handle during this time. After last night being yet another month where my depression hit an ultimate high once more, it's time I change things because my health has been declining a lot more these past few months, both physical and mental. While I have been suffering from depression on and off for years now, I could always pull myself out of it without help, but this year, it has come to a tipping point where I can barely handle it. Thus, with a heavy heart, I will NOT be accepting ANY commissions or client work once February 2024 hits. Other than Eliyo, my focus will be toward my Patreon members and they will be the only ones I will provide artwork for given the situation is different. When it comes to Patreon, YOU are making the choice to support me and I make the choice to give my thanks to YOU. This does mean I will be leaning heavily on my partner financially for awhile next year, but with how much my mental health has declined, I need to just do things for myself again. Find the joy and emotion I had in art and the only way to do that is to change things. Not be paid. Not have pressures. Not be forced to do YCHs and begging and pleading just for a momentary job. Barely making anything just to realize that if I wasn't living with someone, there is no way I could have survived on my own. I've been doing this habit for over 15 years and it is one of the reasons it prevents me from branching out, from improving, from healing or even helping others the way I would like.

I've been so focused on art as a career that anything I do personal-wise feels like a slap to the face and that's not good. The sheer amount of things I start and never finish is staggering. To fear finishing your own work is unhealthy. To do art and just go through the motions is unhealthy and it shows in my work. I admit, I do not know how long it will take me, but I may not even pick up client work again until 2025, I don't know. I'm sorry for any inconveniences this may cause and I hope you can understand. While DA was fun and all in its good days, know that it will largely be abandoned after February 2024 as I won't have a use for it. I will never post finished works here again. Only advertisements and since I won't have much to advertise, DA just won't have a use. If I do any socials next year, it will probably be just Discord and Bluesky and enough to other socials to make sure the accounts don't get deleted.


Thank you

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Hello and welcome new followers. In general, my follower count has been hovering around the same number but does spike from time to time, then the bots and prompters get booted so the count drops, creating this constant back and forth.


Anyway, just an FYI to new followers, I DO NOT post here anymore other than to advertise when I have posted new comic pages or to show when I have YCHs or Merch available again. My works from my high school days are still online over at FireLeopard but know I do not and have not had access to this account since 2010 or so when I moved, so I lost all necessary info in order to change my email and access.

Other than that, know that I mostly share my artwork over on my Discord, usually around weekly or so, and my Twitter, often daily, with sketches and finished works. I also post a ton to Patreon weekly between comic pages, concepts, and others such as illustration processes and WIPs and Beast Bases. So if you'd like to continue viewing my work, please check out any of the following:

Discord -> https://discord.gg/NxCQAJ2uVv

Twitter -> https://twitter.com/Aminirus0

Instagram -> https://www.instagram.com/parallelrift/

(mostly for my comic pages and related arts)

Inkblot -> https://inkblot.art/profile/aminirus

Cara -> https://cara.app/aminirus


Read my comic Parallel Rift at:

Website -> https://www.parallelrift.com

Tapas -> https://tapas.io/series/Parallel-Rift


Support my work for weekly content at:

Patreon -> https://www.patreon.com/parallelrift

(Starts at just $2 a month)

Ko-fi -> https://ko-fi.com/aminirus0

(you can also find commission slots here too at times +

merch and some beast bases)


Watch my Livestreams and Videos at:

Picarto -> https://picarto.tv/Aminirus/profile

Youtube -> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCXeRWJeRSzXTPcSC_Yv8JA



And that's it!

Thank you so much everyone and I hope for you continued support to this small but real artist who supports true creatives. If you have some coin to toss my way, I'd much appreciate it for it helps keep me steady in my craft and be able to provide more for everyone!


THANK YOU!

Stay creating

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